Are you there KARMA...it's me Lee-Ann.

I'm pretty sure that we're just destined to be annoyed in this life. No matter how much is going well for you in your life, no matter what you have to be thankful for..we always seem to have that one thing, or that one person who just TICKS US OFF. Why? Is it because the human body can not maintain it's existence unless it's totally annoyed? Is it because we can not live a healthy well-balanced life if we don't feel like punching someone in the face? Is it because we can not form meaningful relationships with people without beginning each sentence with, "Listen to the annoying day I've just had"?

I don't get it. I'm going to use this blog today as a forum to invite all of the negative and annoying things in my life to EXIT. STAT.

I try daily to maintain a positive outlook because I read all the time how good it is for you, and how easy it is to live a happy life if we just show gratitude. Yet...all the while, those annoying critters are waiting in the shadows to jump out and yell, BOOYA, GOTCHA! And ruin my afternoon.

Does anyone else feel this way? Or was I lucky to inherit my father's short fuse? Was I just born with a smaller tolerance level than the rest of the world. Actually, I have a funny story that proves I am not the only one who is easily annoyed.

I was driving in Toronto on the DVP during rush hour (anyone from Toronto knows this is a no-no). I was actually having a good day, and wasn't letting the traffic or the ridiculous drivers get to me. The sun was shining, my favourite song was playing and I still smoked then. I was much happier.

Then, I look over and see a woman with fiercely large frizzy hair, on her cell phone. She's swerving left to right, swaying her head around like a crazy person and flipping all the cars off around her. She was obviously late for something and NOBODY was cooperating. She looked over in my direction and when we made eye-contact, she mouthed "assholes!"..and I smiled...and surprisingly, so did she! For some reason, instead of the clips of Princess Dianna feeding hungry children, THAT is the moment of true humanity that stands out for me. What does that say about me?!

Anyways, as you can see, I'm having a bitch of a day. The sun is shining, and everyone's smiling with the smell of spring in the air - and here I am ... wishing I didn't just answer the phone at work and ruin my day by having that ANNOYING conversation with that IDIOT!

So, I'm going to start over. Give thanks for all I have. And by-God If I see that guy who just ruined my afternoon, I'm going to kick him in the shins. (wait...we're supposed to show gratitude)...I'll give thanks for deciding to wear my pointy shoes today.

Have a great day everyone! :)

Well, THAT didn't go well.

Ok, so I realize I got in a little over my head yesterday (maybe). I know I was on a tangent to spread the news of 'good' to people and to share my new exciting feeling. But I guess there are a few things I must do first. Before I start sharing all my "goodness".

Yesterday I went to the grocery store on cloud nine. Determined to make someone's day..somehow. Determined to get the ball rolling by making someone laugh or smile. I parked my truck that was ridiculously far away from the doors since everyone and their mother was at the same grocery store at precisely the same time! But that was okay...I was here on two missions. To get my groceries, and to make someone's day.

Off I went into the grocery store, and the cart I chose was jammed into the cart in front of it and it took me about a minute, and some sweat and a red face to finally get it unjammed. But that's ok...still on a mission...or two..right?

Then I get into the grocery store with a smile on my face. It was a big smile so I'm sure most ppl were looking at me like "whatever she's on, I want some", but I did it anyways. I went to the meat isle (and I have no idea why I always start there...because then I have to backtrack all throughout the store for my other groceries) ..but off I went. When I get there, there's a lady there...who is standing in the meat isle with her over sized cart, having an argument with her husband about whether or not they need cat food! I don't know about anyone else, but don't you think they should be having this argument in the PET FOOD ISLE?! Anyways, I take a deep breath, and say "excuse me ma'am...can I just get by you?" and I was ignored. So I say it two or three more times, until I am forced to find a safe spot for my cart and just squeeze my body between her card and the pork chops.

Now, I'm getting a little annoyed. I mean, common...you see me squeezing through..you must have heard me try to politely ask you to move...and here you are...looking at your list while I break three of my ribs.

Anyways...I get my pork chops, and I head over to the dairy department. I know, I have NO proper shopping system lately!

I get there and there is one jar left of the Jerk Seasoning I like to use. This is going to sound cliche at first, but keep listening. So I notice that another woman is looking at the same jar. THIS IS IT. This is my good deed moment waiting for me to sieze it! I awkwardly look around at the other jars, in hopes that she'll reach for the one I want so that I can say "You go ahead...it's all yours" with a smile, but she seems to just stare at two others beside it. Just blankly staring at it. She almost looks as though she's thinking about something else.

I spend what's close to 30-40 seconds just awkwardly pretending to be 'deciding' when I open my mouth to say, "did you want...." and then she looked over at me, an earpeice clearly in her ear and she says "I can barely hear you anyways, so I'll call you back." She was on the phone. She then (WHILE LOOKING DIRECTLY AT ME) grabs the Jerk sauce and walks away. There goes my jerk sauce, and there goes my good deed.

Now, I'm annoyed. I head over to the veggie Isle where a man jammed his cart into my heel...the bread section where a man thought he could park his and his wife's cart (why do they have two carts?!) across the bread that I wanted...and then to checkout where after trying to work the self-checkout for 5 minutes was THEN told it was out of service.

In a nutshell, my attempt went to pot. I clearly have to learn how to ignore the negative distractions, and stop 'looking' for good deed opportunities, and try to look at life with a better attitude in general. I'm sure if I can figure that out, the good deed moments will come without effort, and I'll have a natural, kind reaction to them. I'm clearly trying too hard. I just ended up mildly wanting to wound someone rather than help them. That's not good, right?

So here's to a day filled with positive thoughts, and more ideas to fill my day with fresh experiences. Any suggestions??

My "A-HA" Moment

Yesterday, in reading some other blogs with a similar feel to mine, I learned something that has stuck with me and seems to replay in my head. It caused me to read further, into different sites and excerpts from books and quotes from some of the great leaders and icons of our time, and those before us. I feel like shouting it from the rooftops, which is the same sort of feeling I got when I read the "Secret" for the first time. Exhilarating!

I found a pattern in the life experiences of people who felt 'happy' (and I use quotations because happy is SO temporary and is supposed to be), or content. I found a similarity between all the folks out there who were writing from their hearts. The pattern seemed to resonate with me, and I found myself coming to the following conclusion that I now want to share with you. This is big...so put down the potato chips and dip for a second, and really focus (who am I kidding, I'm not putting down my chips...so you don't have to either, but listen);

Just the other day, I was thinking about my blog, and realized it has been over a year since I said I would find my niche in 12 months. No matter what I do, I just can't find what my Niche is. What am I good at? What is my purpose?

I guess I always associated talent and success with money. I can't be good at something, and be SUCCESSFUL at something without making a killing. That's what I think I thought. Am I a painter? See...money. Am I a novelist? ($$)..am I a baker, maybe I could open a bakery (see...gotta make that dough).

Then, after reading these blogs, and learning an important lesson I realized that money (while it is a necessity to some degree) does not bring happiness. Now hold on, I know what you're thinking. "DUH! Of course it doesn't....people have been saying this for YEARS! You're just cluing in now?!" But think about it. Although we 'know' money doesn't buy happiness, do we truly understand that? Do we not all come out of high school thinking "how am I going to make it big?" Do we not all think that 'success' means 'money' to some degree?

My point is, this is exactly what I thought...and I call myself intelligent? Pff!!

This is when it donned on me. After reading on top of reading yesterday...this is when it clicked. My A-Ha moment is the following;

Our only purpose on this Earth is to help others. In any way. We all have the same purpose, and although we may achieve this through different means, our purpose is all the same. To help others. Think about it.

When someone holds the door for you. When the bank teller releases a hold on a cheque for you so that a payment doesn't bounce and cause havoc on your account. When someone sends you flowers. When someone offers you a dollar at the grocery store because you're a dollar short. Now go deeper: When someone helps you find your missing child. When someone nurses you back to health after a Major surgery. When someone finds your wallet, or helps put a tire on your car in a snow storm. HOW DOES IT FEEL?

Now think of the contrary. You help an elderly person open a door. You give a warm cheeseburger to a homeless person, and then watch him devour it, then you give him a coke. You pay someones hydro bill because they're having a tough month. You offer to allow someone with a disability to go ahead of you in line. Now think bigger: You take in a foster child with no intentions of getting paid. You take in an elderly parent or grandparent and take care of them in their elder years. You find a missing child in the mall and watch as mommy squeezes the child and cries 'thank you'. HOW DOES IT FEEL?

Every self-help book I've ever read spreads the importance of "love". Every Mantra, every Christian teaching, everything I've ever learned about the meaning of life seems to be attached to a teaching of love. Giving, without the intent of receiving is a true act of pure love. Love for someone with which you sometimes have no relationship -- no bond. Just a mutual need for love.

Having said all pf that deeply thought-provoking stuff, I will leave you with this; Give it a try. Dedicate one week to giving and doing for others and see how you feel at the end of the week. My guess, is a little bit o' CONTENT!

My next venture to finding my Niche is going to include giving and doing for others...my new goal, not for this week or this month but for life, is going to be to GIVE. Whenever, wherever to whomever I can.

Have a great day - wish me luck - and thanks for reading!

Finally, time for me again.

Well Good morning Fellow Bloggers!!

As you know I originally created this blog to find my true Niche. To find out what it is that I can do in my spare time or when I'm feeling down, or frustrated or stressed. As you also know, In August of 2010 I was proposed to. In April of 2011 I was married. And as a result of all that hooplah, I also have not been blogging.

It's pretty clear that life had taken over for me for a while. I guess that perhaps I thought that that being "busy" was me "complete". I was happy. I mean, I married my best friend and had a wonderful, beautiful wedding! However, just because I was busy, I forgot that it was short lived. It lasted a year, yes. And it was amazing, yes. However, when all the dust settled, I still have no niche!

I recently learned from Oprah, yes I know -- very cliche, that it is a good idea to journal. If not daily, at least weekly. It's important to stay in touch with your feelings, and to keep track of your goals. I had recently written about, well, writing. I love it. Holding a book in my hand is my greatest solace. And what joy it would bring me to actually write my very own. My goal is not so much to have it sell like hot cakes and make a million dollars and buy an island (or is it?), but it's just to have it finished, covered, and framed in my home. As a reminder every time I walk by it that I, Lee-Ann Theophilus, am a writer. That if I can accomplish that, then ON TO THE NEXT GOAL. Nothing can stop me! right?

As I've mentioned in prior posts, I've often attempting inventions. I always felt like I had great ideas, and that I was destined to become something huge. Someone known to everyone as the girl who started that, or the girl who invented this...

In my maturity I've come to realize that most people feel this way, but that it's FINISHING or ACCOMPLISHING these things that sets us apart. I've never really finished anything. Except (and I mentioned this before too) the book I wrote in long hand when I was in grade 8. I wrote that bad boy from page 1 to the end. It was the most amazing feeling. Not only finishing it (which was actually a sad feeling), but the journey through the story telling. I was creating something - and no matter how little I knew of writing, it seemed to flow from my fingertips right onto the page. As I've said, I often ran home from the bus stop going over the story in my mind, running passed my mother in the kitchen, up the stairs, and was straight back at it until suppertime.

Now, all of this excitement does not prove talent, however. I have no idea if it was any good, as it was never published, or read by anyone else. But I can tell you that even if it was horrible, it served it's purpose as both therapeutic and satisfying.

THAT is what I'm looking for now. So I'm going to get back to blogging as I restart my journey to finishing this book!

Status this far, is that I've got three books on the go. All three are half-way through. That's where I always seem to taper off out of boredom. So, my goal is to pick one of them, and just keep writing until it's finished. If I get to the end and I still hate it, then it's back to the drawing board and time for a new theme.

Glad to be back, and I promise to blog every day from this point forward. ;)

If any of you have any blogs, or suggested sites to give me inspiration or guidance -pls do not hesitate to post them here!
Thanks!

Why am I always right behind the 8-ball?

I've been noticing, since I was very young, that all the great ideas I have are created JUST after I announce them. Or just as I'm carrying them out, someone else has put it into play.

I recently got a Kobo-ereader for my birthday. I love it. While I was searching online for books to buy and download, I came across a book written by a girl who was in search of her Niche (ya). She was spending one year (12-months) in a desperate search for what makes her happy. She wrote a book about it (instead of a blog) and I'm sure now she's making hundreds, thousands, hell - maybe even millions off of this title. Yet, here I am...writing a pointless blog, which nobody really reads, or comments on. And other than allowing myself to vent out any feelings I may have pent up - it really does nothing for me.

I'm not slow, or lazy. I'm not unmotivated. I'm just always behind that 8-ball! Every time. My family used to laugh because I wanted to be an inventor - and every time I would give them an example of something I wanted to invent, we'd see a commercial, or an add for that VERY SAME THING. Really. It's been the theme of my life.

I'm not sure I ever REALLY wanted to invent. But I've always had great ideas, and assumed that "one day" I'd really BE somebody. I'd have my own show, or my own clothing line, or I'd be a top name lawyer, or model. Crazy, I know. But that's what I always thought would happen.

I'm quite happy with my wonderful son and husband now. Really, I'm not just saying that. They make me laugh, and I LOVE to hang out with my little guy on Friday nights. Just him and I. But something's missing. Something will always be missing as long as I keep thinking that I have not fulfilled my destiny. .... Time to fulfill it....

So, Baking's out!

Well, baking didn't do it. I tried a few recipes and ate them heartily. Yes, they were yummy. Yes some of them turned out great. But the next time I was home alone, or pondering at work, I wasn't thinking "wow, I want to bake." So that wasn't it either. What on EARTH do I enjoy? How, at almost 32 years of age, do I have no idea what makes me smile? I know my son does, and I know I like to watch my favorite shows. I love staying in to watch movies with my boys. Like everyone, of course I have things I "like" to do. But where's the passion? Shouldn't I crave something? Shouldn't I want to race home so that I can..._________???? I just don't get it. How does one find out what excites them? I guess by doing exactly what I'm doing. Start searching.

On a side bar, I am now officially only 95 DAYS away from my wedding. And I have just recently noticed that I'm apparently in denial. I have been finding ANY way to occupy my time OTHER than to plan for my wedding. Okay, Dr. Phil - figure THAT one out! I'm excited - and when anyone brings it up, I light up. What's not exciting about flying to St. Lucia, spending two weeks, and coming back married?! I'm marrying my best friend of 12 years, and I LOVE THE BEACH. So, yes, I'm excited. But the anxiety of finding my dress, Phil's outfit, and Taye's outfit is trying to kill me. Dead.

I am starting this weekend with the dress shopping. Let's see how I feel, react and behave after that. I'll keep you posted.

P.S - and tips for hobbies, and fun activities, please HELP.

Baking?

I started this blog with the intent to find my niche. I really didn't have anything that I could do, or wanted to do with my spare time. I love writing, so I tried that. I like painting, so I tried that. But it just seemed like nothing was really sparking my creative side. At the end of a hard day, I never really had something that made me say, "I can't wait to get home and...." - and what?

Lately I've been baking. Mostly from pre or ready-made Pillsburry. Then I started branching out, and baking some things from leftovers in my freezer. I love the smell of baking in the oven. No matter what it is. OH, and nothing beats having the first warm bite of something you created. mmm. mmm goood!

I'm no pro, and I really don't wanna get into anything too complicated with tools I'll need to purchase. I really just want to bake for me and my family using the tools I already have. It's no fun if it feels like work. Right?

So I think I'll stick with that for a while, and see how that pans out. So far, I've been pretty excited about baking - but I was excited about painting and writing too. Am I ever going to be content???